it's all a matter of perspective!

so it's difficult for me...

I have yet to desire my "style" as a professional designer. A really great designer, you can see their work and KNOW that it was designed by so and so. Probably the best example being Andy Warhol. That man looked at things from a perspective I can't even imagine. I mean, I can because he first did it, but I really honestly CAN'T!

A friend of mine handed me a flyer about a week ago for an event from a year or two ago, as soon as I saw it I said to him, " Darin designed this didn't she?"

Darin is a super good friend whom I started a magazine with (bleacht). I know her style, I worked with her long enough that if I see her work I know it's hers.

I don't have that with my work. There's nothing that ties them all together or anything. They have no identity. They have whatever I was feeling at the time in them but they don't have ME in them.

I get very frustrated with this.

on a fairly regularly basis.

But then I have to remind myself that the handful of people that I compare myself to, on a regular basis, are a lot older then me, not all, but most. But I always feel like I'm making an excuse when I say that, but the truth is, I've only been doing this design thing hardcore for like...

2 years or so.

Wow. When I actually sit and think about it and get it out on paper... or screen, I'm just a baby designer. And let me just say, it's pretty intense how much I've grown as a designer, how much I've matured and grown and developed. Even outside of print and web design, I have began to feel creative at all times and find myself sketching or doodling or whatever, all the time.

Even with that realization, it saddens me to know that I wasted so much time. I've been doing graphic/web design for about 5 years, starting my senior year in high school and I can only say that I've been doing this hardcore for like 2 years or so.

I don't want to be able to say in 2 more years that I wasted time. I want to make sure that I'm continuously growing and working and putting out consistent work that reflects me.

I want my designs to be a PART of me. I want people to be able to see them and say, Conrad designed that. I want to take more pride in my work.

I want to stop wasting time.

I feel like I say that a lot in these blogs, but it's the truth. I have goals and things that I want to do, and sometimes... the only thing that I feel like is stopping me...

is me.

If I'm not giving my all and actually actively pursuing what I feel I'm supposed to be doing, how can I say that I'm giving glory to my Creator? I was listening to one of Matt Chandler's latest sermons and he said something that really really hit me. Everyone's life, whether they want to believe it or not, is going to glorify God. Either through His love and grace that He's given us, or through His justice, HE will be glorified.

that's deep.

I want to glorify God through my life and actually use the talents He's given me for Him and His people.

I want to live a radical life. I pray that He'll shake me and break me and show me His glory in my life and guide me through the decisions that we need to make.

Guide me Father. Show me Your Will and help us to make decisions that glorify you and exalt you. All things end with you being glorified Father, but help us to glorify you to the best of our abilities now, bringing your Kingdom to earth and not waiting to go to Your Kingdom.

In Jesus Name.

the journey to find purpose

so at some point along the way, people began to view the ideal life as a life that is full of health and wealth. I sit in a chair typing this at a job where my boss proudly talks about coming to America to pursue the "American Dream"

and I've decided something...

I want no part of it.

at all.

I refuse to become so obsessed with padding my bank account that I lose sight of what's important in life.

I refuse to work so many hours to be able to buy whatever, that the only time I see my wife is as we lay down to sleep every night.

There is something so much bigger and deeper going on in this world that why in the world should I waste a second of my time worrying about the things of this world (the sermon on the mount helps a lot with this). We look at people that choose to live this simpler type of life, a life that they believe reflects Christ and we refer to them as radicals.

I call them Christians.

I believe that there should be two focuses in this life.

God

and people.

I talk about this verse ALL of the time, but go read the second half of Matthew 22. It's an amazing passage of scripture. In this passage Jesus sums up the entire law with two commandments; love God, love people. with all of your heart, soul, and mind.

that's all that I desire to do. I want to make an impact through my love and steadfast devotion to God to the people that I come in contact with. To love them as best I can and to show and offer them hope in whatever way I can.

There's a particular pastor that I listen to fairly often as I work throughout the day. Matt Chandler talks quite often it seems about how we more commonly go to God when we're upset or angry, and we miss the simple joys that He gives us, like being in the company of people that you love. Good friends, good food, good drinks, good fellowship.

After those moments, those events, those lunches, dinners, breakfasts, brunches, midnight get-togethers at Denny's, whatever, THOSE moments, are the moments that I take the most joy in. The times where I'm with the people closest to me and just simply enjoying existing in this world. When we can get together and enjoy delicious food, maybe a drink or two, and talk.

I love to talk.

Not just for the sake of talking (usually). But I love those conversations where when you finish and your on your way home from wherever, you say to your wife or yourself, man, I want to do THAT more often. I want to be in the presence of people whom I love, more often. To be able to share with them, whether it's good or bad, and be able to spend time talking about the Creator and what He's creating in each of our lives and how it's all connected...

it's all connected...

we are all connected in someway. It's not really a question of if we are, but more a question of whether we take notice of and embrace the connections that exist.

I'm going to take notice and embrace. I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and meet new people, find new people to love and interact with.

I'm going to love God and love people.

Another year gone by

So it's hard to believe that I'm now 22. I mean seriously. Where has time gone? I feel like I've been grown up for so long... but at the same time, it seems to have gone so quickly! So much has happened this last year. I remember reflecting last year and thinking the same things. I also remember thinking well, next year could be my last year not married, never thinking that I'd be married by Christmas to my beautiful wife, but praise God for Him knowing and planning better then I can!

Again, I can't believe how much has happened in the last year. The things I've done, the people I've met, the friends I've made, the friends I've lost, the time I've spent being productive and dreaming and planning, and the time I've thrown by the wayside and wasted...

I'd say I'm about 50/50.

That's depressing...

Kate and I want to do so much, we have big dreams and big visions. We feel as though we have big callings and firmly believe we do. We strive to not live a "good Christian life," but instead a radical Jesus following life. A life we believe can impact people. But like everyone else, we fail. We fall short. Hallelujah that our God doesn't quit on us! He continues to push and provide and strengthen and call and form events and bring people into our lives to remind us over and over again what He has for us.

I'm gonna use a quote. One that hit me as I was reading (listening) through A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (Donald Miller is a genious. read this book):

But the want was not enough. My desire to live a better story didn't motivate me to do anything. I kept sitting down and writing more and more boring words into my life. And when I wasn't sitting down writing boring words, I was sitting down watching television. Steven King calls the television "the glass teat," and I was suckling on it for all its sugar. I was licking the glass and pawing at it like a kitten.

Kate and I decided last week I guess it was to limit our television watching. This is a huge deal for us, if ANYONE knows us at all they know there's a few things we love besides God and each other: Music, Movies, & TV Shows. We love the creativity behind them and just well... everything! We spent many hours watching movies and catching up on TV shows (all of Lost and House in the last like 5 or 6 months). Needless to say, it was too much. It's went from being something that brought us together and gave us something to talk about, to being something that was comprising what it is that we did. I was not a designer as much as I was a TV watcher. And that realization sucked.

So we cut it out.

One movie.

or one TV Show.

a day.

and NO MORE then 1 hour on the computer for anything other then work/school. Unless someone was sitting in class looking for an escape to the monotonous lecture that is ensuing from the front of the class.

On top of that we decided to get up every morning at 6am (do you have any idea how early 6 am is? there IS NOT LIGHT!) and got through the P90X workout.

There is Nothing.

In all of life.

That I'd like to get up less for

Then to do that God forsaken workout.

After the first day, I was sore in places I didn't even know that I had muscles. It was ridiculous!

(I do in a weird sort of way enjoy it though. Lost 7lbs the first week and so did Kate!)

Anyways, we're changing things. We're working to be better stewards of what we're given including our time. We still want to enjoy things, but there's stuff that needs to get done as well.

I never really understood "new year's resolutions." Sure I've made them, but it wasn't a new year for me... just a new opportunity to forget to change the numbers when I write the date. I tend to make birthday resolutions. And for the most part, I find them much easier to stick with. So this year we made them together and let me tell you, it's a LOT easier to stick with it when you're holding someone else accountable and they're doing the same for you.

I'm truly thankful for all that God has done for me in this last year of my life. I'm truly blessed to have an amazing wife, an awesome group of friends, an opportunity to do what I love professionally, and daily opportunities to show the Creator of the entire universe's love to those around me.

This was a random blog. But that's what all's on my mind.

Praise God for His continuous love, blessing, and provision.

even in the dark.

staying positive

So I feel like I talk a lot of crap on Christians and the church. It's really pretty horrible of me. I see problems, and I feel like sometimes I spend so much time complaining about this or that, that I actually miss the good that's being done. And on top of that, I struggle with a lot of the things that bother me but seeing it in the Church or in my Brothers or Sisters, kind of serves as a mirror.

There are people that are making a difference though. I just want to take a few minutes and make a list of the churches that I personally know of that are impacting their community, and that communities impacting the world. These are churches where people are learning what the love of God looks like and seeing how it impacts people. I hope to be able to impact people in my everyday life. I feel like sometimes I excel more then others. Sometimes I get caught up with my own agenda though; my own life. I'm desperate for change and pray that it comes quickly, but in His time. I've realized over the last few years that it's NOT about me. in anyway. It's about my God. I hope that even if He allows me to suffer or deal with struggles, that I can still rejoice in Him. I feel like I lose sight of that. Anyways, take a look at the list and please feel free to post any more churches that you know of. I'm going to keep it to like 5.

1. Mars Hill - Rob Bell

2. Mars Hill Church - Mark Driscoll

3. Cornerstone Church - Francis Chan

4. Newspring Church - Perry Noble

5. Journey Church - Mark Lehew (shameless plug for an awesome church in the DC/Baltimore area. I go there so you know it's pretty awesome. haha!)

Let the conversation begin.

the doctrine of doctrine

now... let me preface this. I think some people may be upset with this post, but nonetheless this blog is a blog of honesty. A place for me to share my thought processes and get things out in writing so that I can better formulate my own opinion. This is my blog. Not yours.

And...

Here...

We....

GO!

Having been surrounded by Bible College life for (dear goodness) almost 4 years, I've fallen in love with some things and I've grown to hate some things.

I absolutely love, the heart for God that the people around me have.

I loved sitting in class and having my teacher pray over us before we take a test.

I love the bible studies and fellowship that goes on much of the time.

I love being able to have deep conversations with my brothers and sisters in a way that helps us to grow.

I hate debates.

I didn't used to, I used to thrive in arguments, pulling bible verses and quotes out of my library (and out of context) to prove the point that I was trying to make to whatever unfortunate non-(insert doctrine here) believing person I happened across. I was what I now hate.

(And let me make something perfectly clear, this blog is NOT written with anyone in mind, at all. And if you feel a little hurt or anything else or upset or frustrated, know that I don't hate you in any way, I hate the mindset, and again more importantly, I'm not writing about you.)

Becoming obsessed with Doctrine, in my honest opinion, works against the Gospel. I believe that dogma is ridiculously important and essential, but we are getting dogma confused with doctrine. Our emphasis to believers and non-believers should be love. That's what the end of Matthew 22 is completely about. It's about loving God and loving people. If we lose sight of that, we lose sight of the Gospel. Why in the world would any non-believer want to become a part of the family when all that we do is argue and bicker among ourselves whether this or that is right? Why would they ever believe that we love them when in reality we rarely show love to one another, unless of course we happen to be in a group where we all believe the same thing.

It's ridiculous. What about Jesus? I mean, honestly, what about the relationships that Jesus built with the people that he encountered. The UNBELIEVERS. The UNCLEAN. The UN(insert term for the religious here). He came and yelled and accused the RELIGIOUS of being evil and corrupt.

If all we have is a list of rules and beliefs then honestly what are we other then religious? What is it that separates us from the other religions of the world? Why would anyone ever see a difference in us or our lifestyle that would show them God?

Does God call us to be Holy? Absolutely!

Does Paul command Timothy to keep his doctrine close? YES!

Does Jesus tell us that we will be greater then Himself? yes.

We are called to do great things. But when we're filled up with head knowledge and think that we know right, it's hard to admit that we're wrong.

I'll admit.

I don't know.

anything.

I'm not wise in the eyes of my God.

but I believe that I can show His love to those around me.

because I love him

and He loves me

and I hope and pray that His love can pour out of me to all of the people around me, starting with my wife and trickling it's way down.

We are called to many things,

but to fully understand the Bible and God and how He has made everything to work,

I do not believe is one of them.

We need to be willing to question, to reexamine, to actually listen to what the other person in our deep conversations is saying and be able to admit that we're possibly wrong on whatever doctrinal topic is currently on the table, or we need to not talk.

I'm not saying for us to sway back and forth with the wind, but shouldn't we at least be able to bend in hopes of becoming stronger?

I'm a part of the problem.

I confess.

I know that I have differing views then many people that I know.

I love though before anything else.

You have your verses.

I have my verses.

We understand them the best that we can.

But in the end.

We're probably both wrong, as I believe that God has a much better understanding of His Word then I do.

And I'm okay with that.