I want the Spirit, not a kick drum...

So it's weird to me... Why do people take such polar positions on the Holy Spirit. I feel like you either act as if He's not as important as the other members of the Trinity, thus negating His work in today's world since the time of the Apostles, or you are on the Pentecostal end, focusing on the feeling of the Spirit and what He can make you do and you make it about the Gifts rather then the Giver. I would like to declare that you are both wrong.

I was listening to an audiobook over the last couple days and the author made an incredibly vital point in this argument, the canon of Scripture, the canon that we believe to be inspired, that we believe is divinely preserved, was decided upon not by the Apostles, as some of them were dead by the time that the last book was even written, but a council of men, voted and decided on the Canon under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Now, you can argue that, but then what're you left with? If the pages in your Bible weren't decided upon by the Holy Spirit working through those men, then what do you have for guidance. You can put all of your emphasis on all of your guidance in life coming from the Bible, but in the end, that still involves Him.

Now in turn, you can rely entirely upon the Holy Spirit and not care about the Bible, but this causes equally horrific problems, probably more so. If the Holy Spirit is telling you something, that directly goes against Scripture, in ANYWAY, let me repeat that...

In

Any

WAY

then it is not from God or the Holy Spirit. I've heard some crazy stories about people claiming that God led them to do something, men claiming that God wants them to leave their life and be with some other lady because he feels closer to God with her, heretics claiming that God wants us to be saved so that he can bless us with health, wealth, and prosperity, or popes who feel that starting a crusade to regain the Holy Lands would be the right thing to do. Either way, if it goes against, New Testament teaching it's wrong, no matter the scale.
period.

But I believe that there's a middle ground, a third way if you will. Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God," focuses on the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives. He doesn't talk about the feelings, but stresses the need for the Holy Spirit in our lives because He strengthens us to do what the Father places upon us. To separate these two Persons of the Trinity, is to break apart the foundation of the relationship between believers and God that was set in motion 2,000 years ago. Christ tells us in John 16 that it is better for Him to leave so that He can send us the Holy Spirit then for Him to stay. That's loud, even deafening in this debate. We are called to embrace all the Persons of God.

BUT

(and there needs to be a but)

if you are seeking after God solely for what the Holy Spirit can do for you, what gifts He can give you...

you

are

WRONG.

Embrace the gift that God has given you, the gift of being able to be a part of the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth and do whatever you can to further that Kingdom and rejoice in the fact that we are gifted with Eternal Life. Paul causes us to earnestly desire and pray for Gifts from the Spirit, but then stresses that they are not to be the focus,

your greatest gift...

is love.

you'll be hearing more from me on this as this is just the tip of my thought process iceberg...

sorry I can't go deeper today.
much love.

when in doubt...

So I find that some of the most difficult times that I have in life, the times that I feel like vomiting all over myself and the floor, the times that I feel like there are not butterflies in my stomach but giant birds fighting desperately to soar free, are the times that I'm not in control of the outcome of my life. The times when the decision in hand is not my own; when the decision will directly reflect my life and how I live it. I can think of countless examples, but will talk about today's events...

so I got this marketing director gig a few months ago after spending much time in prayer seeking work and direction and wisdom and putting my future in countless people's hands. I got the job in a fashion that I can only describe as divine, and I have felt like I'm definitely supposed to be at this location at this time, maybe not for the rest of my life, but right now, yes. I took the place of a man that was put in jail by his girlfriend for various reasons. He got out last night.

say it with me...

UGH!

anyways, he came to pick up his stuff today and as soon as I found out he was coming I instantly switched into panic mode. What if they were crazy and liked his work better, what if this was the end of my career here? What if I needed to start thinking about new work. Needless to say, I was a little worked up. And the joking emails from a friend at work about him getting his job back PROBABLY didn't help. But he comes in, and they act as if he's the prodigal son. I'm right next to their office so I'm stopping the printer next to me turning off my ipod and desperately trying to hear whatever was being said in the room next to me. I was freaked. At some point during these events, I wouldn't say I heard God, but He seemed to speak to me and said, I have this under control. And in that, I wish I could say that I was all better and went in and talked to him and shared the gospel and he got saved... but that didn't happen... I didn't even really feel better (he was here for like an hour), but I felt comforted. I felt comforted in knowing that I wasn't nervous about what my bosses would decide or what he would say or anything like that. I was nervous about what God had in store and if He wanted me somewhere else. He shifted my feelings and anxiety from the people around me to Him, and I think that He can handle that. I'm on my lunch now and needless to say, still have my job, but even if I hadn't if it had gone "horrible" from a worldly perspective, I would've been okay. I would've found comfort in knowing that He and He alone is looking out for me and guiding my actions and footsteps as much as those around me, even if they don't realize it. I have comfort in knowing that it's His Will and not my own or any other persons that makes up the big picture. It's not about me, it's about Him. Wholly and fully.

I love my God and the way that He works through my anxiety and stress.

In Him I find peace

as He holds my life in His hands...

EVEN

when I doubt.

Today's post is going to be a quick one. This past summer, there was a lot going on. Dealing with money issues and trying to make sense of a calling and leading that just made no sense at all and that not everyone loved. There were some really tough days, very emotional days. The days that you look back on and are like wow, He was so there... I'm sorry for not seeing You. Anyways, the album Over and Underneath by Tenth Avenue North spoke a lot to me and I feel like the following song really expresses the love that God has for us and our desire to see Him, and even when we mess up and have no hope, He's still right there. Anyways, enjoy. pray through it. give it a listen. it helped shape my life into what it is now.

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and attempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

And for the record, I didn't really care for this album that much on first listen. But it's now one of my favorites. Thanks to my wife for making me listen to the CD of her cousin's wife's brother's band. Haha, good times.

much love.

the art of... well... art

So I've grown up in a creative family. My grandmother and grandfather were artists their whole lives, painting, drawing, crafting, pretty much whatever they had at their fingertips they did. Same for my uncle. That man was impressive, I saw some of the design pieces he did while in college, and I'm blown away by the creative fruits flourishing through my family tree. To the point that this same uncle, was actually chosen to be one of the first computer graphic designers... ever. He was one of like 15. They had computers that took up entire rooms and controlled the cursor with two joysticks. That's how this huge industry started.

Insane.

I was taught crafting, drawing, and painting from a young age too. My grandparents helped to raise me, so, they helped to pass along some of the "trade secrets" and bought me my first pencil set or paint set or whatever it may be. This set up a foundation that I am very very thankful for. When I got to high school and found myself enrolling in digital publishing and print design, I realized that my foundation was a little more then just a foundation and I quickly fell in love with the tastiness of Apples and the amazingness of Adobe. This was finally, I realized what I wanted to do. I got a laptop and I just started designing, desperately attempting to mimic whatever tutorials I could find or digitally create whatever I saw around me. It gave me a start and after a few months someone asked me to do some work from them...

that's it.

That's how this whole crazy freelance/marketing director/church designer/web connoisseur THING happened. I just kind of fell into it. I fell into love with it. I often wonder why? Like, a lot of good has happened through it and I've met tons of super rad people through my various creative outlets but, why? I think in a very unique way. I can't even really explain it in words. I believe that for some reason my brain is balanced, like, I examine and understand words and integers and anything else in a way that I am constantly, whether I want to or not searching through them looking for patterns that equate the two like the little tiles that make up the bathroom floor make up a pattern if you spend enough time examining them. Now, I've either completely lost you, or you're like, I DO THAT! That's so me! Sorry, but it's one of those things you either get or you don't. But anyways, God blessed me with this way of thinking because well... He's God and He's sovereign and in the end... well it's simple.

He does

what He wants

WHENEVER

He wants.

period.

that's the end of it.

But like I talked about in my last post, there's a unique beauty in what He chooses to do. The way He decides to make it all fit perfectly together. The way that He brings all things to himself and through Him all things can be made perfect. Now please, don't for a second think that I'm implying that my design ability is perfect. I actually went back and looked at some of my old designs and was like... wow... He really must want me to be doing this if He surrounded me with people that loved me enough to not tell me I needed to choose a different profession. I mean...

they

were

BAD!

But, He used those to teach me. He challenged me, the way He does in all aspects of my life with a love and passion for something that I wasn't super good at. But I pushed through. I ran the race. I kept my eyes on the finish line and saw that each composition, each mockup I was sending to a client, was leaps and bounds better then the last. Every piece was a stepping towards my end goal of being a fantastic designer. And I'm still heading towards that goal. Sometimes I'm sprinting, others jogging, others walking, heck, sometimes I've even crawling, but I'm moving. I'm moving towards where I want to be, because I see the beauty of it. I have a creative eye, and when I'm trying to design something, I'm growing closer to God. Whether I take note of it, and make a conscious decision to do so, is probably a different story. But I am. In everything that I attempt to design, in every element I incorporate, that element has come from God. Maybe indirectly, maybe through my boss, who got it from so and so, who got it from so and so, who saw a tree along the side of the road that made him think about a line going a certain way or a shadow hitting something below it or whatever.

But everything we do

whether we realize it or not,

comes from the beautiful perfect world around us

with its intricacies and hidden beauties

He put them there to show us His love

His glory

His power and...

His creativity.

I hope to one day be able to create something that brings Him honor and glory.

Mary and Elizabeth...

So I got into work today and was spending a few minutes going through the headlines as I do several times throughout the day and I just had this urge. I felt like I should spend some time in the Word. Kate and I have been talking and praying a lot about what it is that we're supposed to be doing with our lives and have felt... well helpless. We have big dreams and desires but haven't really felt like we've been doing anything. Yeah, we have a lot going on and just got married and have been planning but we just don't feel like we've been effectively serving to the best of our abilities. Needless to say, if you know either of us at all, this is a problem. We THRIVE on serving and giving on being involved with things that impact peoples' lives. It doesn't have to be huge and earth shattering, it could just be having a deep conversation with someone whom we challenge to think and they return the favor. This problem was beginning to hurt our relationship, not in a dramatic way or anything, but we were just arguing a little more and there was a little more tension. We spent some time Saturday night celebrating making the best decision of our lives a month before, and came to a dramatic conclusion. Maybe God wasn't being silent; maybe we were living in a world that was too loud! We were surrounded by so much... STUFF! It was no wonder that we were feeling confused about what we were supposed to be doing, we weren't actually seeking after Him through our devotions separately or together. So we decided to really pursue Him, to really get back to the root of what all this is about. To spend time in the Word on a daily basis together and apart...

Anyways, back to the ladies, I went onto an online Bible and read through the first chapter of John. Now, I've read this chapter many times, I even had the first few verses memorized at one point. But this time something different came to my mind and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. What about John and Jesus? Why were their parents, Zecheriah, Elizabeth, and Mary, why were they chosen? Why were they the people that God chose to bring in the forerunner and the Messiah? And something hit me, something amazingly simple and beautiful that I had never in all of my years of reading through the Gospels had picked up on, Elizabeth and Zecheriah were old. I heard a pastor translate the word that they use for old, as old as dirt. Now I don't care who you are

that.

is.

OLD.

It was such an absurd idea that when Zecheriah was told by the angel, he all but laughed at him, he was kindly rewarded with the gift of silence. (I'm so glad that God doesn't do that anymore, I definitely didn't anticipate being married a year ago and wouldn't have enjoyed spending months unable to speak. what can I say, I like to talk!). And at the same time, an angel is appearing to Mary, the future mother of Jesus and telling her, "You're going to have a Son, even though you've never been with a man." Now yes, we can focus on the miracle of the virgin birth, but there's something else there. She's young... She's not young like I am, she's young like I was 9 or 10 years ago young. Though it would be easy to get caught up on the miracle of the birth (which is breathtaking in a way that I can't ever describe) there's something, in a very subtle way, that's amazingly beautiful about this. Even in the details, God chose two people older then dirt to bring in the forerunner to the Messiah, the man that would pave the way and begin the process that He would finish, and He chose the youngest a girl could be to have her mother His Son, the Messiah. There's a sort of vibe their an ebb and flow, a sense of yin and yang if you will. The two are opposites in a way that they completely beautify one another. I desperately pray that God will continue to help me to see THAT type of beauty in the text. To not get caught up with all of the big and lose track of the subtle little things that God threw in there to make an already beautiful story simply stunning.

God is found...

in the beauty.

He takes the dirt and brings life.

From the dirt, flowers come up.